Greetings all.. or maybe just the one person that has checked back to see if there was anything new posted.. I wrote this, and posted this on my myspace blog.. Ol Broad pointed out that I have not posted anything in awhile.. I told her I was writing my blogs on my myspace page.. she then tells me.. not everyone can see it dork! So I will return back to my blog roots!! Enjoy!!
Ya know.. its been awhile since I posted a blog.. I have been taking a break if you will.. but I just cant leave this one alone!!! If you live under a rock.. continue to live there.. For the rest of us.. We have all head about Michael Vick, and the charges that have been brought up against him in connection with a dog fighting ring, that he and 3 other men started.. My question is.. if you sign a contract for 10 years for $130 million dollars, why the hell do you feel the need to do something you know is wrong? Do you think your above the law, like most other superstars, movie stars, and musicians?? I read the 18 page grand jury report today online.. gotta love the internet.. And it made my stomach turn.. I think dog fighting is wrong anyway.. but some of the things that Vick and his crew did were beyond cruel.. Vick is basically screwed.. in every sense of the word.. let me rephrase that.. he should be screwed.. If convicted he faces 6 years, and a $250,000 fine.. a drop in the bucket if you ask me.. You would think that Michael learned something from his little brother Marcus.. and all the off field issues he had, which eventually lead to him being booted as the starting QB job at Virginia Tech.. I guess it just floors me when someone that has it all.. does something stupid.. IF Vick gets thru this.. His career will never recover.. Nike and Gatorade have already cut ties with him.. For what? alittle excitement.. some chump change bets?? *shakes head* I really wish that athletes would realize that they are role models.. Charles Barkley said years ago that he didnt want to be a role model.. Tough shit Mr Barkely.. Kids look up to athletes.. they spend their parents money on your jerseys, and other goods.. You dont seem to mind taking the money for the sales of your stuff.. so you sir are a role model! Vick is a god in Atlanta.. and this is how he repays his friends, family, and even worse.. his FANS!!! The League and the team are in a very sticky situation.. If they take action before the trial is over.. then they run the risk of being sued.. if they wait to long.. they look like bad.. its a very very sticky situation! I know everyone is innocent until proven guilty.. but man it looks bad for Vick.. I guess we will have to wait and see what happens.. I just hope he does not get off on these charges merely because of who he is..
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
New York
So, I took a trip to New York this weekend.. to attend a Tony Robbins seminar with some people from work.. It was very interesting to say the least.. I actually enjoyed it.. So were sitting there Friday and all the sudden a picture comes up on the projectors of a raging fire going on right outside the convention center.. It would appear that they are preparing the coals for us to walk across later that night.. "Excuse Me"?? "You want us to do what"?? Ok, I must say that I forgot about this part of the weekend.. So he starts going into the speech to get us pumped up to do this.. and Im whispered to the VP of my company.. "Umm yeah he is outta his f*$&@$g mind" My VP kinda laughs.. and says.. "You might want to pay attention because WE ARE doing this"!!! "Excuse Me"??? "We"?? "You got a mouse in your pocket"?? So as I begin to pay attention, I notice some of the images up on the screen.. NOT really helping me here.. One of the images is the final battle scene in Episode 3... u know where someone looses their legs?? Not to mention the fact that he mentioned how hot these coals are.. Roughly about 2000 degrees.. At this point, all I can think about is "am I leaving New York with all my piggies in tact! Or even better... I could just loose the whole foot! So I pay attention because I dont want my piggies roasting on an open fire so to speak... But the more I listened.. the more I thought.. I can do this.. My VP tells me.. "hey lets go find this fire" Now this seemed like a good idea at the time.. we walk downstairs.. and we find it.. and lets just say you can feel the heat from over 50 feet away!!! I then turn to my VP and tell him.. "You have fun with that, and I hope it works out for you.. I will pray for your piggies"! He started laughing.. then used one of my lines.. "Its funny you think you get a vote in this".. It was almost as bad as when my daughter gives me one of my own looks.. You know its really important your in the convention center when the instructions are going on.. A crew member comes up to us and tells us, "If your going to do the firewalk, you might want to go in and listen to Tony right now!" So we go back in.. Sit down for the final words of wisdom.. About 20 minutes later... we hear.. Take your shoes and socks off, and lets go outside!.. So I take off my shoes and socks.. and kinda look at my piggies.. wish them well.. Off we go... Now there were about 5000 people at this seminar.. and less then half went outside..Apparently we had some smart ones at this seminar! We stand in line.. The whole time I am standing in line.. trying to project myself to a "happy place".. not trying to think about piggies roasting on an open fire!! Cell phone is going off.. which was not helping me !!! My phone is taken away from me at one point.. to ensure that I put myself in a happy place!.. I get up to the path.. I look around.. People screamin.. chanting ect.. I swear I heard someone yell out.. "Burn Baby Burn" prolly was just in my head!.. I projected myself to a happy place.. I mean a real happy place!! and take the first step out onto the coals.. I take about 8 or 10 steps, next thing I know.. I have done it! Im wiping my feet off, and getting them hosed down.. I am glad to report no piggies were harmed in the making of this fire walk! :) I was so pumped after I had done this, that I wanted to do it again, but I couldnt! You know one big thing that I took away from this weekend, is that If you fear something, You must do it!!! I would do this again, any given chance.. and I now find myself wanting to jump out of a perfectly good airplane!!!!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Greatness!!!
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday
morning. He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and
you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you
to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind".
The pastor shouted out " CROSS ".
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS "
The pastor hollered out " GRACE". The congregation began to sing,
"AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound ".
The pastor said " POWER". The congregation sang, "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD ".
The Pastor said "SEX ". The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything. Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES ".
GOTTA LOVE LITTLE OLD LADIES
morning. He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and
you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you
to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind".
The pastor shouted out " CROSS ".
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS "
The pastor hollered out " GRACE". The congregation began to sing,
"AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound ".
The pastor said " POWER". The congregation sang, "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD ".
The Pastor said "SEX ". The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything. Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES ".
GOTTA LOVE LITTLE OLD LADIES
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
The Romo Rule???? *Shakes Head*
NFL owners and general managers are meeting this week to vote on rulebook changes for next year. Among their decisions thus far have been the decision to make instant replay review “permanent” (they’d previously been voting on it year-by-year) and not to allow defensive players to be linked via helmet microphones to the sidelines in the same way that quarterbacks are.
The most interesting rule for Cowboys Nation, however, was reported by ESPN’s Chris Mortensen this evening on Sportscenter– the Romo Rule, due to be voted on tomorrow. So named because of Tony’s botched hold in the Seattle playoff game, this rule would adjust the way that footballs are prepared before being used in place-kicking situations. As most of us know and have anguished over, the NFL currently uses brand-new “K Balls” for place-kicks, making them slicker and more difficult to handle. For us, it’s a bit of shutting the barn door after the cow’s already gone, but what can you do?
If this rule passes, it would be another in a long line of Cowboys-focused rules in the NFL’s book. Past rules unofficially named after Cowboys are the Emmit Smith Rule (no removing your helmet on the field of play), the Michael Irvin Rule (harsher offensive pass intereference enforcement), the Deion Sanders Rule (no excessive celebration), and the Roy Williams Rule (no horse collar tackling).
In one way or another, America’s Team is constantly making its presence known around the league
The most interesting rule for Cowboys Nation, however, was reported by ESPN’s Chris Mortensen this evening on Sportscenter– the Romo Rule, due to be voted on tomorrow. So named because of Tony’s botched hold in the Seattle playoff game, this rule would adjust the way that footballs are prepared before being used in place-kicking situations. As most of us know and have anguished over, the NFL currently uses brand-new “K Balls” for place-kicks, making them slicker and more difficult to handle. For us, it’s a bit of shutting the barn door after the cow’s already gone, but what can you do?
If this rule passes, it would be another in a long line of Cowboys-focused rules in the NFL’s book. Past rules unofficially named after Cowboys are the Emmit Smith Rule (no removing your helmet on the field of play), the Michael Irvin Rule (harsher offensive pass intereference enforcement), the Deion Sanders Rule (no excessive celebration), and the Roy Williams Rule (no horse collar tackling).
In one way or another, America’s Team is constantly making its presence known around the league
Changes to Blog
Ok, so while visiting with Ol' Broad this weekend.. she showed me the proper way to do a link.. so thank you! She also complained about my page.. print was to small, colors blend in against the black background.. ect.. ect.. ect.. Ok so I went back and made my colors brighter, and made the print larger... so her "old eyes" could see them.. Now if you will excuse me.. Im going home to pack and move.. so she cant come down here and kick the crap outta me! :)
Just for Ol' Broad :)
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy....... but you still get a sign
***************************************************
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
**********************************************
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township
administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS .
______________________________________________________
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
______________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked: "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
_______________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of m! ine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
___________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
____________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
_______________________________________________________
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE ..!!!
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy....... but you still get a sign
***************************************************
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
**********************************************
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township
administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS .
______________________________________________________
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
______________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked: "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
_______________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of m! ine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
___________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
____________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
_______________________________________________________
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE ..!!!
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Big Brother is Watching
Ok, so I got a joke from my dad this morning.. On days when I dont really have much to say.. Ill post a joke.. that way I am doing what I said I would do when I started this blog.. post something each and everyday.. Plus I know how all of you love a good joke! I am currently at a friends house, showing him my blog.. and I notice I have a comment on this "Mr. Letterman's" top ten list.. Its a spokes person for Mr. Letterman.. asking me to remove David Lettermans name from this post, as it is not an official top ten list.. and it in no way shape or form represents Mr. Letterman.. Ok.. so here is my problem with this.. I understand this is not an official top ten list.. And Im pretty sure that everyone that reads not only my blog.. but that has seen this list, knows that its a JOKE!!! I will remove Mr. Lettermans name from this post.. I would not want my blog to be removed.. or to get into any more trouble over a JOKE!!!! Here is the comment that was left.. for your viewing pleasure..
Tom Keaney said...
I am the public relations representative for Worldwide Pants Incorporated, David Letterman's production company.
This list is not a David Letterman Top Ten list, nor is it associated with him or The Late Show in any way (http://www.snopes.com/racial/humor/nascar.asp).
Please correct this false assertion immediately.
Thank you very much.
Tom Keaney said...
I am the public relations representative for Worldwide Pants Incorporated, David Letterman's production company.
This list is not a David Letterman Top Ten list, nor is it associated with him or The Late Show in any way (http://www.snopes.com/racial/humor/nascar.asp).
Please correct this false assertion immediately.
Thank you very much.
I know Im going to hell.. but this was to good not to post!
10 various reasons why there are no black drivers in NASCAR
# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same
time.
# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
# 3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition.
# 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
#1 -They can't wear their helmets sideways.
# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same
time.
# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
# 3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition.
# 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
#1 -They can't wear their helmets sideways.
Friday, March 23, 2007
HEHEHE!!!!
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN? ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY....HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT.
A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00).
He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin. It's
mid-winter...and of course, all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG....and of course, the new NAVIGATOR. They decide they want to make a natural looking open water area for the ducks to focus on....something for the decoys to float on.
Now, making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is
going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce.
So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG...??? ;
Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it - the dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice.
The two men swallow; blink; start waving their arms; and, with veins in
their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming.
One hunter panics; grabs the shotgun; and shoots the dog. The shotgun is
loaded with #8 bird shot....hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused....and of course terrified...thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover.......UNDER the brand new Navigator.
The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the
truck touches the dog's rear end; he yelps; drops the dynamite under the
truck; and takes off after his master.
Then " "" "" "" "" " BOOOOOOOOOOOOM "" "" "" "" "" ! ! ! !
The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake...leaving
the two idiots standing there with "I can't believe this just happened"
looks on their faces .
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal
use of explosiv es is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments.
The dog is okay. .doing fine. And you thought all Rednecks lived in the
South!
A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00).
He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin. It's
mid-winter...and of course, all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG....and of course, the new NAVIGATOR. They decide they want to make a natural looking open water area for the ducks to focus on....something for the decoys to float on.
Now, making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is
going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce.
So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG...??? ;
Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it - the dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice.
The two men swallow; blink; start waving their arms; and, with veins in
their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming.
One hunter panics; grabs the shotgun; and shoots the dog. The shotgun is
loaded with #8 bird shot....hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused....and of course terrified...thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover.......UNDER the brand new Navigator.
The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the
truck touches the dog's rear end; he yelps; drops the dynamite under the
truck; and takes off after his master.
Then " "" "" "" "" " BOOOOOOOOOOOOM "" "" "" "" "" ! ! ! !
The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake...leaving
the two idiots standing there with "I can't believe this just happened"
looks on their faces .
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal
use of explosiv es is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments.
The dog is okay. .doing fine. And you thought all Rednecks lived in the
South!
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